I miss my mom

Well, this is my first post on my first ever blog. I am a teacher who has decided not to work this summer. I am a mother who has put her daughter in camp four days a week so as not to be too disturbed. I am a daughter who is in the six month of grieving for a mom who left me just at the beginning of a new adventure for us. I am writing this blog because I need to write about it to make it all real. My mom and I loved each other and drove each other crazy. One of her favorite things to say was "for every problem under the sun, there be a solution or there none, if there be one then try to find it and if there be none then never mind it." So, in thinking about her death, there is no solution I can be happy with short of bringing her back to me and so I have decided to never mind it and just deal with this pain that is in my heart. In the next few weeks of my blog I will share with you some of the history of my relationship with my family and my mother. I will talk about how we came to buy a house together so that she could help me with my adopted daughter and I could help her with aging. You will read about the night she came home with a pain in her leg and all she wanted was for me to lie down with her. I will share that I did, in fact, lie down with her but quickly shot up and got her to the hospital...and I will talk about the three months that led up to her death when I had hope she would come home from the hospital and she never did. It is a sad story, to be sure, but it is also an incredibly unbelievable story because I watched her die and in watching her die (and I do not just mean the last breath, I mean the preparation for death that lasted weeks) I watched her cross over. Nobody will ever be able to convince me otherwise and nobody will ever have to argue with me about it. It is not something I care if anybody believes. It is the truth of what I believe and it has strengthened my faith and made me a more optimistic person than I could ever believe even in my pain, sadness, and incredible grief. You will also learn more about my incredible daughter who brought pink into my life. I hope that you will read this blog because it is well written, it speaks to your heart, and along the way gives you faith when faith feels impossible. It doesnt matter what the faith is in, I believe faith is the idea that all is unfolding as it should even when that sucks! I invite you to share your own stories about faith, death, relationships between moms and daughters and all that feels necessary for you to post. Thank you in advance for sharing this journey with me. It is something I have thought of doing for months and tonight as I sat watching Dr. Phil and drinking a beer another of my mom's favorite sayings came to my mind, "poop or get off the pot." And so here I am and I hope you enjoy!