Is anybody listening?

My brother was there by seven. I had spent the night with my mom in the ER saying she could not handle the pain for another 24 hours, moaning, sighing, and me not knowing what the hell to do...and doctors coming in very sporadically. They gave her morphine though she told them morphine has never affected the pain for her. Finally they gave her something that made her sleep but it was impossible for me to leave her alone. It was like a jail cell that you have permission to leave yet you just cannot leave. When doctors did come in they asked the exact same questions all over again. Finally they said that there was a problem with circulation and no pulse in her leg and they were going to admit her to cardiovascular floor. Of course, what you need to know about hospitals and the ER is saying they are going to admit you and actually getting you on the floor can sometimes take up to five hours. It sounds crazy but in the next three months I was going to experience this phenomenon over and over again. In the meantime, I remember another doctor came in who was from a different country and I was tired and scared and by the way STARVING. Small aside_(Why is it they dont have anyone in a hospital who can help you when you have entered alone in the ER and cant really leave the person you are with? You may be thinking that I could have left her and that I was just being protective. For you own good in case anyone you love ever ends up in the hospital let me tell you...you cant leave because without fail the minute you do the doctor will come in and you will miss all the information. Especially when you are with someone on pain killers and in extreme pain you have to be there to be the one to get the information. There is no leaving and don't fool yourself into believing there is. ) So, in comes this guy who I can hardly understand and he is asking all the questions over again and just staring at her. He says he is the ER doctor and his job to interview us. It was all I could do to contain myself that I was explaining the same thing for at least the fifth time. I am sure there is a reason for it and I dont fault the doctors...but it was too much...too much...and somebody should have recognized that I was on the edge. But, as I am my mother's daughter my pride prevented me from blowing up...in the next three months I was going to learn that sometimes the only way to get things done is to blow up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease is definitely true in hospitals.

So, we begin the wait at seven. She is on the cardiovascular floor with an incredible angel nurse named Mary. Mary takes my mom's vitals every thirty minutes and my brother and I drink coffee, take turns on our cell phones and wait for a doctor. We wait...and we wait...and we wait...I exaggerate not when I say that no doctor came between 7 and 3. However, sometime between 5:45 and 7:00 when I was out using the phone or getting food or coffee a doctor had come by...but I knew nothing about what he/she thought or said. At one point I called my mother's doctors office to ask them how we should proceed. They said they would talk to doctor and get back to me. Approx 2 hours later the doctors office calls me and says the blood test she had taken in their office the day before came back positive and she needs to come in right away. I say, "Are you kidding me? I just spoke with someone in that office 2 hours ago and she is in the hospital." Then they tell me that they dont really get that information from the hospitals and could I please keep them updated!!!! Are you effing with me? So then she tells me I need to tell the hospital doctor the results of that test because it will help them diagnose. Let me repeat...THEY WANTED ME TO TELL THE DOCTOR THE RESULTS OF THE TEST! When I got back to my brother he had a place to put his annoyance that no doctor had come yet. He called that office and asked if it was regular practice to ask the patient to update their progress from the hospital and to give hospital doctors test results. Of course, their response was that because of computers that information will move slowly and will come much faster from us. Now we are angry and annoyed. Meanwhile, my mother is starting to talk gibberish and shake and not act like herself. She is telling me now she knows how her dad died and I am getting scared and thinking this might be what death looks like. Mary (favorite nurse) assures me that it is the painkillers but meanwhile my mothers blood pressure is steadily dropping each time and Mary is calling doctors and we are asking for doctors names and making calls as well. 3:00 rolls around and no doctor has come and it is time for Mary to leave and the blood pressure is extremely low and my mother is making no sense at all and Mary (God Bless Her) has had it and she calls the doctor and says he needs to come it is emergency situation. They come in within 2 minutes and talk to my mom like she cant hear and scare me to death and there is a team of them. Small aside- (Doctors in the hospital travel in teams. This is a teaching hospital and so while the patient lies in pain, the team stares and asks the doctor questions. It seems insane when you are going through it even though realistically you know why it happens.) The next thing I know they say she is in critical condition and they are taking her to ICU. They say they think it is a pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot and they think it is in her lung. All of a sudden after a sleepless night and hours of waiting, they are moving so fast I cant even breathe...and I LOSE IT....and Mary (God Bless Her) who is ready to go home to her family...stops, gets me a soda and brings me into waiting area where she holds me while I cry and cry and cry and say I just cant lose my mother. Mary explains that the Critical Care unit is the best place for patients because it is one nurse one patient and always doctors there. As we follow my mother's bed to the ICU, my brother says to the doctor that we have a sister in Chicago and that we need to know if we should make a call to get her here. The doctor thinks about it and says that the next six hours are critical but he would wait to make the call to have her come. Meanwhile, we had already called my sister but now we wondered if she should come. The doctor told us to wait and so we would wait.